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With the online community being so varied in personality and beliefs, it's easy to end up finding ourselves disagreeing with others in the way we/they do things. Rather than growing angry or judging those people, here are some helpful guidelines that we hope will aid you in relating to others where it may be a bit difficult.

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My advice to those leading any online groups...

I have a real respect for anyone who forms a group in order to give folks a chance to get to know one another. It's one of the things that makes this community great. Having worked closely with many of you, I can now say with absolute certainty that your motives and intentions are good even when the methods have faltered. It's the perception folks sometimes have of the actions we have taken (or not taken) that has sometimes led to that integrity being called into question. People are accused of taking power trips and trying to squash ideas that are not in keeping with their own. Anyone who truly knows these good folks would be confident that this is generally not the case.

One thing that will help this is to be as clear and consistent as entirely possible in your guidelines and their enforcement. Rules that are clearly stated and followed as visibly and evenly as possible across the board are necessary. There's never going to be an absolute balance. We're all individuals who see things differently. One person sees something as crossing the line where another may not. That's only natural. I would encourage everyone to be as supportive as possible in this. Our group leaders are often only as affective as we allow them to be by our own actions.

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My advice to my fellow community members...

I've heard some great ideas from folks over the years. We have some great minds out there! But, we have to come to trust one another and truly listen to one another if anything positive is going to be accomplished. If we hold back every thought we have out of fear that someone's going to look at us funny or put us down....or whatever...we won't get anywhere. Why are we all so afraid to really talk with one another? I think it's because many have fallen away from that community atmosphere. That colors every thought we have and every action we take.

Take some time to get to really know one another. We aren't going to truly understand one another and work/socialize as a cohesive group until we get to know and trust one another. That's the biggest place to start. Then everyone won't be looking over their shoulders and afraid to say anything…or afraid that someone else is saying something. We won't be assuming the worst when someone uses stronger language in presenting things because we'll know where they're coming from.

Many of the complaints I've heard from people over time have come down to people feeling that someone was putting them down because they weren't agreeing with whatever had been said by that person. We don't have to agree with one another on every single point of our lives in order to get along. I strongly disagree on individual issues with many of my best friends. We simply choose to agree to disagree on those issues. It doesn't make anyone a bad person. It simply makes us unique. How boring it would be if we were all the same!

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Some specifics for when we come upon something "wrong"...

- There are still times when people think "It's only the web." and say something hurtful or offensive figuring it will have no real effect. But, all too often, it does. If someone says something that bothers you in some way, ask that person about it in a calm manner. Don't be getting in their face and condemning them. You may not have understood them correctly. I have one good friend who, when we first met, had made a comment about something. My initial reaction was to think, "What an ass!" But, of course, I couldn't say that. So, I asked him to explain himself so I could understand. You know what? After having entered the conversation midway, I'd taken the comment totally out of context. Once I knew the situation, I thought the comment was not only correct, but even insightful. Let's give one another a chance. You may even find a good friend in someone you thought was an ass. ;-)

If you see something that you think clearly crosses the line or that just seems a little off and you think action may be needed, there's always a way to report it to a group owner/moderator. Don't just jump into the conversation and yell, "Stop being an asshole!" Instead, look for that report method. Then, tell the mods what it is you're concerned about. Contrary to popular opinion, not every thread is read by the mods in any group (unless the group screens all posts for problems before passing them on). They depend on you to let them know where there are things they may have missed.

- I've heard a few folks mention "cliques" in the community. I'm not sure that's always a fair understanding of the dynamics that are present. Are there cliques? I'm sure there are a few. But, more often, it's something different. When we're unable to join in something that's going on, and again when folks are discussing that event, it's easy to feel like they're rubbing our noses in it because they got to do it and we didn't. That can be true of folks connecting with another individual to play, a gathering or any number of things. The common denominator is that we can feel left out. That's only natural. But, that doesn't mean that your input isn't welcome or wanted. If it weren't, open posting about it wouldn't be taking place.

Group activities are good. Belonging to something is good. Maybe there just isn't something that you've found yourself able to join in yet. One of the things we're working on is getting some cell groups set up within the online community, many of which may also move into some real life get-togethers. I would encourage those who've felt left out of things in the past to let us know what kinds of groups you'd like to see within the community. Rather than pulling us apart from the larger group, it's my hope that this will strengthen each person's presence and involvement in it.

This is far from being an exhaustive set of guidelines.  I'm sure we'll add to them as we go along.  But, remember.  The best guideline is always to exercise a bit of good old-fashioned common sense and courtesy.

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